Awwww, summer. It’s finally arrived. An image of me bikini clad—lounging on a wicker recliner next to an infinity pool sipping an umbrella drink—comes to mind. There’s a floppy hat. Large sunglasses are involved. I’m on an extended vacation from work. A small stack of light reading material wobbles on the edge of the cocktail table to my right. I’m alone. No screaming children. No husband asking me for an egg salad sandwich. My pale skin is starting to give way to something less offensive. Pink, I guess. Somewhere in the distance, I can hear the groundskeeper mowing the lawn. I can smell freshly cut grass dancing through the air as I doze in and out of lazy summer-induced sleep. Music notes swirl around like smoke inside my head, thanks to my recent iTunes play list. Life, summer style, is perfect.
Suddenly, I’m smacked into the present by an ice cold Super Soaker shot to the gut. There’s laughing, then little footsteps slapping against wet pavement as they soon disappear. I sit up stunned as I blink away water and blue and red spots from where the sun pressed into my eyelids as I slept.
As it turns out, there is no bikini or an infinity pool. There’s no music. No floppy hat. There’s only me in my XL house shirt, fat pants, and a garden hose. The neighbor’s dog is barking incessantly as he digs a hole under my fence. I’m sweaty and burnt. It seems I had dozed off during a break from pulling weeds. Today is Sunday and like many of you, tomorrow is the start of my work week. Unfortunately, I don’t get a summer vacation.
Do you remember what it was like to be a kid? Those were the days when the only questions people asked you were related to your age, height or number of teeth missing from your mouth. When summer came, there was only one additional question, “What are your plans for summer?” I usually responded with one apathetic shrug and went back to picking my nose, which was permanently slick with SPF 50.
This got me thinking: what if we reinvented summer? I’m not talking about fancy vacations or trips across the pond. I’m talking about a summer day camp for us girls. I’m talking about reviving our childhood summer goals, ladies. Reawakening our inner child! We’d drop off our munchkins at their summer camp, shove the husbands off to work, and have ourselves a grand ole time! *Throws confetti in the air*
Before hitting send on your RSVP, check out further details below:
1 – We’ll lounge around like lazy house pets free of kids or husbands or significant others. No being shouted at from one room over, “Mom! I’m hungry! Mom! I’m bored! Mom, wipe me! Mom, there’s poop on my knee!”
2 – Our biggest challenge of the day will be entirely inconsequential: should we mix up another batch of peach bellinis or how about a blender full of watermelon and vodka? I say both.
3 – Bestie selfies all day long. You know how they say the camera adds ten pounds? Well, I hear there’s an app for that and smoothing out wrinkles! Photo editing apps for the win!
4 – Slink down the Slip ‘n Silde or run through the sprinklers. No one has to know.
5 – Arts and crafts, YouTube worm-holes and (insert yoga pose here).
6 – Lunch you ask? The Thai place down the street delivers. Done.
So, what do you say? Are you in? The answer is obvious: it’s like explaining Dewey Decimals to a math genius. I have to say, of all of the things I thought I’d be in life, Camp Director isn’t one of them. But this is just fabulous.