Lovely Little Tornado

Like many of you, one of my favorite things to do on a weekend is catch up with friends. Old, new, doesn’t matter, just as long as you have some good stories to tell, and don’t mind when I accidentally spill wine down the front of my shirt, and yours. This is when nice, civilized, young-ish ladies start laughing, cackling, heckling, and before you know it, snort-laughing our way to the bottom of a bottle of Stag’s Leap 2007 cabernet. Calories? Fuggedaboutit, because there’s got to be food involved, too. Ladies, don’t mind me, I’m just going to save this three-point Weight Watchers Giant Fudge Bar for a rainy day. In any case, we’re just like those girls from Ab Fab, except we’re not British and we don’t drink martinis. And hopefully our fashion sense has moved somewhere beyond the year 1996. But don’t count on it.

So, last weekend, some of my girlfriends came over. There was a nice selection of wines NO WE DON’T DRINK TWO-BUCK CHUCK ANYMORE and food. We had just enough of a conscientious spread to make us feel like we are healthy, skinny girls who eat dainty little things like artisan crackers and organic hummus, decorated with snips of parsley. And there might have been some aged gouda, and sliced figs both generously drizzled with honey. Clearly, accoutrements you’d expect to find in first class. We also prepared things like Velveeta cheese with Lil’ Smokies on top of onion rings, and bacon wrapped Hot Cheetos. Those last two were my newfangled inventions. But I’m guessing I didn’t have to tell you that.

Just as I was getting settled in, wine glass in one hand, Hidden Valley Ranch laced Funyon in the other, I realized we were all involved in some sort of complicated, nonsensical discussion about only God knows what. Except that it seemed to be a language we each spoke and understood very well despite others who may or may not have been earjacking HUSBAND ALERT HUSBAND ALERT our conversation. I heard something that went kinda like, “Have you seen the new…. Oooh, are you going to eat that? … And then she had the nerve to – wait, hold the phone, where did you get those shoes? Did you know that I actually met Slick Willy one time? Anyways, if you guys still want to book that trip, I’d be totally down for that!”

Um… WHAT?!?!

It was a lovely little tornado.

Then it dawned on me. We were all suffering from Girlfriend ADHD. This group of girls could go from zero to fifty topics in just a matter of minutes. Just like that (I totally snapped my fingers right now). It was quite impressive really, considering each of us was following along and contributing without missing a beat. What was even more remarkable though, was that this chaotic mess fell into perfect cadence (insert soundtrack Bitter Sweet Symphony here); despite our best attempts at a shit show, it worked like a flawlessly choreographed dance, and it was splendid.

If I had to guess, Girlfriend ADHD is the result of too much work, too little sleep, and not enough time spent with the girls in your life who make your heart sing. That, and OMG-I-HAVEN’T-SEEN-YOU-IN-LIKE-A-MONTH-AND-I-TOTALLY-NEED-TO-TELL-YOU-EVERYTHING-THAT’S-BEEN-GOING-ON-MY-LIFE-IN-LIKE-45-SECONDS-BECAUSE-I-CAN’T-STAND-IT-ANYMORE!!

As this lovely little tornado came to an end, me and my girlfriends kissed and hugged and said our goodbyes with promises of grabbing lunch tomorrow, I thought about how lucky I was to have friends, tried and true. You know, the kind of friends with whom you can talk about anything, and text from the toilet when you feel like it. It was a good night. A really good night.

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